Oh NHS Direct. How could you get any better?

So, since Sunday my left leg's been aching. No idea why. I haven't injured myself recently (that I know of.)

I'm sitting here debating making an appointment with my vile GP, or going to A&E. Instead I go for the middle ground and call NHS Direct. In the past, with other people, they've been quite helpful. I call, the phone rings and an extremely long message plays (about a minute) before the gatekeeper picks up. She asks me for the number I'm calling from, my name, my symptoms, my address. I tell her everything and it isn't that much information. The trouble with the bio speech is, she's doing it in such a round-a-bout way that it takes 5 minutes to get the info she's after.

In her eyes I'm worthy to speak to someone with a degree. As a result, I get passed to a nurse, a quite heavily accented fellow with the phone manners of a hammer. He asks me the same question and at this point (6 minutes in) I'm starting to get really annoyed. What the hell was the point of the first gatekeeper if I just have to answer all the same bullshit again? And it's not really like the latter one listens to the answers I give him anyway.

Him:'Is any part of your leg numb?'
Me: 'Yes. My calves and just under my ankle'
Him: 'Like you can't feel anything,'
Me:'that is the definition of numbness, yes.'
Him: 'And it's numb.'
Me:'I did just say that.'

Him: 'Can you walk?'
Me:'Yes, but it's painful.'
Him: 'So this isn't causing you any difficulty when walking?'
Me:'I think I just said it was.'
Him:'So it isn't.'
Me:'*sigh*'

So 10 minutes of the conversational equivalent of listening to Terry Wogan's BBC2 show, tells me I need to go to A&E. Why? I have no idea. His mysterious oracle matrix thingie is forbidden knowledge to lowly patients. People don't need to know what could be wrong with them. When I asked about possibilities the little fuck gave me a long lecture about how diagnosis works and refused to suggest anything.

What the hell? I'm not a hypochondriac and not likely to write up a will at the suggestion it might be the cancer. (Everything could be cancer.) I just like to be aware if my trip to the emergency room should take place before I make the decision to commute home on a crowded train. Knowing whether my hips or knees will crumble under me like hunks of Wendsleydale is kind of important to me. As a result, you'd think it would be important to NHS Direct as well.

So, in an hour I'm off to A&E. No idea what could be causing my leg pain, only know that it's there, Wigan Infirmary charges a shitload for parking and I should probably grab a pack of smokes. Wish me luck.