Where do I find some crack in Chicago?

This neighborhood looks like a good bet.

Better than contemplating the meaning of life.

Advantages and disadvantages of IT certifications

On a forum I subscribe to someone popped up asking about whether certifications are worth the time. I've heard varying opinions from a very diverse group of people about everything from the MCSE to sitting through a course on VMWare.

The camps usually fall into 'do' and 'no way, they're all dickheads.' I'm convinced that people can be dickheads without an MCSE so I compiled a list of what I think are the advantages and disadvantages of being certified.

Advantages:
1. Learning. You do learn a lot about the big vendors' technologies. But all vendors have to base their information on RFC and other industry standards. For example, the 70-218 exam is probably one of the most useful because it covers networking
technologies in depth enough to hurt your head but loosely enough to
where you can cross apply to other vendors.

2. Forces you to learn things you wouldn't otherwise. It's a structured way to absorb all aspects of whatever technology you're after. No one actually wants to learn the various tasks and uses of a Schema master but it's damned useful when you get in trouble.

3. Job requirements. Most jobs for engineers I see advertised want someone with at least
one MCP, MCSA (if you're looking for a simple cert, do an MCSA) or
MCSE.

4. There are a ton of certifications. There are other certifications besides Microsoft and Cisco. You can
get the LCP (I think or CLP, Linux certified professional,) Security
+, CISSP, Network +, Oracle, Novell.... All the big boys. The +
certifications are all non-vendor specific but do focus a lot on MS
technologies.

5. HR benchmark. You have to remember that many people hiring for technical jobs
aren't actually technical. It's a symbol of what you can and can't do.

Disadvantages:

1. Pushy vendors. The industry heavily thrusts Microsoft or Cisco products at you. Many exams and courses are also advertisements for their catalog. The 2400 course, for example,
pushes using Windows 2003, ISA 2005 with Exchange 2003.

2. Cost. The courses themselves can be damned expensive. You're looking at
about 1000-1500 pounds for a 5 day course if you're not affiliated
with a company with a skills license or bulk discount of some sort.

3. The easier way is tempting. You can just slam through the exams with braindumps and practise
tests. I wouldn't recommend it and the next gen certs are getting more
difficult with practical styles. Instead of multiple guess, you
actually have to do what the question is asking.

4. Not a substitute for experience. Certifications and Computer Science degrees have to be coupled with
practical experience. I look at having certifications as being the
icing on my job cake. It just means I might get an interview where
another person wouldn't because I have the extra little bit on top but
it's not the whole picture. (Not a proven theory but that's the idea.)

5. Some of the exams are very simple and you can't skip them. A lot of them, like the 70-210 and similar Windows XP exam are
tedious and boring. I know how to defrag a hard disk, thanks....

6. Only good for a short time. You have to keep on top of them. They do expire.

7. Quality of the course or preparation meterials depends on who wrote it and how it's been put together. You can have an excellent course in designing
networks one day but then have a diabolical time with another. A lot
of Microsoft courses are also based on VPC, which introduces a whole
host of problems. Similar for Novell and VMWare.

8. Independent study takes a lot of motivation. It takes me about 6
weeks to get through a study guide. And that's 6 weeks of focusing on
the material instead of watching 'It's me or the dog.' The MCSE has 7
exams, and if you do the 2000 to 2003 upgrade path including an MCSA,
then you're looking at 9. (Which is what I would recommend, it makes
the 2003 certification easier to get because the 70-216 is piss easy.)

Overall:
It depends on how much money you spend and what type of job you're
after. For what I want to do it seems like people who might give me money want an MCSE, so I'm
getting one and learning a lot in the process. For what I do they seem to be in high-ish demand, for other aspects of IT, they may not.

"Help! Mom! Hollywood's in My Hamper"

Is this the worst idea for a book ever?

The blurb from the press release almost made me want to weep.

LOS ANGELES, March 7 /PRNewswire/ -- With Academy Awards being handed out
to movies about racist cops, gay cowboys, and communist sympathizers,
Hollywood has declared an outright war on traditional values. But instead of
getting angry at the movie business, parents should teach their kids to laugh
at it, this according to best-selling children's author Katharine DeBrecht,
whose new illustrated book "Help! Mom! Hollywood's in My Hamper"

I mean, I laugh at Hollywood all the time. With it's stupid letters up there in the hill. And the people! Jesus Christ, did you see the fabric vomit on Charlize Theron on Sunday? Bad Dior! Bad! I don't have anything at all against portraying celebrities as vapid Real Dolls being drug around by PR people who had to suck on the toes of every boss they've ever had to get where they are. That's just part of life. That's why we let the monkeys live so we can laugh at them and pay them to dance.

What's unfortunate about this book is it won't teach your children to be little comedians making money off of sarcasm but instead will churn out people who think they have a sense of humor. And those are the most dangerous sort. You know, the George W Bush speeches where his donors just sit there and smile thinly whilst lightly clapping? People like that but without a gaggle of wealthy business men waiting for HB 666 to pass. They'll just be intolerant morons who babble wildly after they've had a little too much Diet Coke at a church lunch about how funny it was that Ang Lee made a gay joke about his own movie.

Actually, I think I just described her, which pretty much explains everything.

"Oddly enough, I didn't get an invitation to the Academy Awards this
year,"

NatWest sucks part gazillion. Honestly, why do I even try anymore?

Oh heavens above.

At 10 to 3 I left for the NatWest branch in Piccadilly Gardens to sort out some petty cash. We have a course running this week that will eventually require a clock for an exam and I need some batteries. I wander in with my ID and checks in hand, sit in line for some completely absurd but unknown length of time and then get to a cashier.

To discover that I can't get my petty cash because the agreement with our company isn't there. It was present in the depths of their branch the last time I did this back in November. So the manager pulls me into a room and basically says 'we can't give you any cash.' But alas, no. I called our finance lady and told her the sad tale and she's sorting it out. But Jesus Christ people, a 'better way' surely isn't losing paperwork?

I am livid.


This isn't my or others first run in with the bank of shit. Their clock destroying campaign seems to actually have given them an incentive to be worse. I have an idea, how about NatWest actually hires some competent staff? That might win.

Cory and BoingBoing.net suck

I used to have Boing Boing on two of my RSS feeds. The first was via Livejournal and the second Bloglines until I realized something: I don't care. There are only so many posts you can read about super retro cool knitting or whatever until you just burst with the overwhelming mediocrity and how much time was wasted reading about it.

I must admit, the longer posts about book signings or whatever, I didn't read. They all struck me as self promotion of the worst kind: without a sense of humor or any effacement. Most of BoingBoing appears to be whining of the worst ultra hip 'A List' sort. Whatever the fuck that means. What is it about blogs that when they turn successful they also turn into the rantings of a singular blogging hive mind with egos the size of Texas?

Anyway, someone else seems to have noticed that many of the BoingBoing posts suck. The formula for the suckitude rankings remains a mystery but I'll accept the judgement prima facie.

Depeche Mode in... Simlish?

Oh dear god. For one thing I can't believe that anyone actually enjoyed Suffer Well enough to want to shove it anywhere but the nearest landfill. For the next, sharing company with Fergie Shemale Who Pisses Her Pants and Can't Count isn't exactly desirable for any sane person.

The only thing I can think is that everyone with better singles turned them down.

Mc Videogame

It was about time that someone created a video game with a social commentary. I mean, advertisers can stick Adidas shoes on our hero right smack in the middle of play. In response there had to be that 'buy nothing day freecycle' contingent with something to add because as gaming grows up, so do its fans.

After a long and desperate disclaimer style attempt at lawsuit protection (Really guys, think that disclaimer is going to help? Un-frickin-likely) you finally get to not... actually slaughter the cattle, no, but go through the tutorial.



A whopping 30 screenshots lays down the law about how to cause mad cow disease by feeding them ground up friends and how a shitload of money can win over even the most reputable of climatologists. It just whips out the bias and lays it on the table right there in front of you for you to poke and laugh at. Really it's pretty much the same old Fast Food Nation hype, which regardless of truth and signs of the end of the world, doesn't really get me hot anymore.



Which brings me to the real question, the meat (if you will) of the matter. Is it any fun?

I'd say yes. Once you get beyond the rampant Guardian reading sentiments about corrupt government officials and the mighty power of McDisney, it reminds me an awful lot of Diner Dash. Whilst I'm not actually learning anything regarding the old evil clown's business practises, I have discovered that I would make a piss poor CEO of a fast food company and should probably just stick to IT.


Who knew how difficult it would be to feed some damned cows sewage, kill them and then shove them onto an unsuspecting public who'd just seen the latest advertisement for 'cute Disney bunny movie' toys? I bankrupted the company at least 20 times just this afternoon because plastic trinkets just aren't enough to get people spending their money.

Replay value is suprisingly high (compulsiveness) and the graphics are a little on the simple side but also very good. No judgements as to sound. It's a good thing that those are on the winning side, otherwise the preachy 'informed' nature may just get in the way of the enjoyment.



McVideogame (Free download too.)