Oasis are not wearing any clothes

Ok, tell me something. Am I the only person in the universe who realizes that Oasis suck? A bunch of Virgin Radio listeners voted Wonderwall the best song ever. Have they heard music? Was the school for the deaf roped in to clicky clicky until their a for asshole finger hurt? Those are really the only options I can find for choosing such a ghastly musical representation for best. (Unless best suddenly means 'something you should shit on.')

Sure, it has some whiny wailing vocals apparently necessary to modern day Brit pop. It has two ego-maniacal songwriter/singers who can't create coherent sentences nevertheless structured lyrics. It has LOUD GUITARS with only one volume and two chords. I guess, if you're really, really drunk then Wonderwall is a great song. It doesn't require much thought to actually listen to it. Die hard Oasis fans might beg to differ 'oh the lyrics are sooo deeep.' (A common argument used in support of U2's Vertigo as well. YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!)

That the fire in your heart is out

Yeah, sure. The fire in her/his/its heart is out. Fantastic! Let's look at other fascinating examples of fire in hearts:

Chris DeBurgh - Carry Me Like a Fire in Your Heart - The same guy who did 'Lady in Red.' Enough said.

NSync - Ready To Fall - Proves most Oasis fans are a mosh and a jiggle away from Justin Timberlake.

Anastacia - Love is alive - Oh, the thoughts of someone going through 'the change.' Shoudn't 40 year old midriffs be banned?

Very meaningful all of that fire in heart talk, isn't it?

And what the fuck is a Wonderwall anyway? Wonder - to sort of be awed, interested in something. Wall is a wall. So, it's a wall that inspires wonder? Is he comparing his fuck buddy to the Great Wall of China? Or perhaps Hadrian's Wall (they are Northern after all) which is only about 4 feet tall and was meant to keep out the Scots. Your baby mama protects you from gingers? Does she hit them as well? If so, I have someone I want her to meet.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if the vocal delivery was any good. Unfortunately, even the Mozzer in his most morose moments never quite get the pollen count nasal pitch of either Gallagher brother. It's the sound of wanting MORE CANDY or a ride on the choo-choo or needing to go potty. I would have hated to be Mama Gallagher, I mean Jesus, how did they avoid being abused as children with voices like that? Hell, how did they manage it as adults?


WAHHH! WAHHH! And you people would still buy his fucking records, wouldn't you?


The Spice Girls are turning back into Optimus Prime and Oasis Wonderwall is the best song evar. If those aren't arguments for the downfall of humanity, I'm not sure what are.

Drowned In Sound readers agree. (With the BEST picture of one of those talentless nitwits I've ever seen.)

Drama in audio

Good Lord. Linked off of Livejournal Drama is a site called Audio LJ. Apparently you can have your entries read by someone helpfully assisting the blind. I'd be tempted to say that the Life With Mikey post is fairly accurate.

Fat Bob strikes again

Where's Mecca-Streiszilla when you need her? Robert Smith has fired more people from The Cure. (Danke Mr. Hilton :D) Oh and Victoria Beckham is a big stupid lush. Unlike me, of course, who is saintly.

Depeche Mode are getting ready to announce another tour. Woo to the fucking yay.

From Perez Hilton.. (my new favorite site...)

Kim Jong Il

Now I love Kim Jong Il completely:
Rare footage! The South Korean daily Dong-a Ilbo yesterday published a recently obtained photo of North Korea's Kim Jong Il wearing platform shoes with four-to-five-inch heels. Kim's height is a closely guarded secret and the government seldom releases photos showing the leader's kicks. He is believed to be about 5 to 5 1/2 feet tall without shoes.



I don't know, without seeing the heel I kind of wonder if it's just a shameless publicity stunt to promote his new single.

Washing ton Post article

Reuters with photo

More site toys

I've added an atom feed for this site as well. Thankfully feedburner also does RSS conversion. (Yay for not taking out a Pro Blogger account.) Now there are two. The first is my livejournal feed, which is the more personal stuff. The second is the site feed, which has content based on what you see here.

Gossip sites and why I love Kiefer

I really love gossip. Like really. I'll sit for hours and talk about who is doing what to who, offer predictions on break-ups and rant about how exactly much and why I hate that friend of a friend who does this thing... If I lived in a neighborhood where people talked to each other, I'd have my head above the fence asking about Mrs. Jones' new pool boy.

I keep stumbling (and not searching for them) across sites that are also obsessed with the bitching. For Washington DC and poltical topics there's the ever so snide Wonkette. First discovered via my unnatural fascination for Farrah Ashline. I've just discovered Media Martini which is all Hollywood. The difference? They mention people from 90210. I really loved 90210. I had a pity crush on Ian Ziering since I figured he probably didn't do very well at catching the ladies. I disagree with one thing, Kiefer Sutherland with all of his wonderfulness is most definitely IN.

Perez Hilton is, I hope, a big ol' Latin drag queen who, in between various mimes of I am what I am is bitching about people on the Internet. He/She/Diva is like the old Mrs. Hamilton on the fence, the one that knows everything about everyone and has her tea cup poodle take off the ankles of anyone who gets on her lawn. <3 This site.

He/She/Diva's description:

He is the Internet's most devilish gossip columnist. He currently resides in Manhattan with his pet poodle Mariel. His signature colors are blush and bashful. His favorite drink is a Viagra Martini, and his motto is "I'm gay, but I'm not as big a slut as Paris". He loves animals, enemas and animus.


I'm also on Pop Bitch's mailing list which is a little inferior to Holy Moly.

May we revel in our obsessions with other people's lives.

Just some purchasing notes

The week of Internet consumer hell. I tried to buy a book off of Amazon Marketplace from superbookdeals my dog phobia. After 8 days I sent an e-mail to confirm shipping/shipped dates and then the just refunded my money. Uber fucked up.

The good news is Amazon proper have now sent my order out. Yay!

I also paid for an mp3 player off of ebay from these people and still haven't received it. It's now day 10, they aren't responding to my e-mails and haven't offered an explanation for why it's taking so god damned long.

So, then I check my friends page this morning and discover that Rag Doll extensions is apparently pulling the same deal with cybergoths. Check the current complaint here.

I don't understand what's so difficult about responding to a few e-mails, or making sure an item has shipped or even keeping customers updated with the status of their order? Lesson in good customer service, keep your customers informed. You can damn well bet that I wouldn't buy anything from any of the above. If they can't be asked to typey, typey and oh gods, take something to the post office then they really don't deserve my money, do they?

LastFM

I was doing a Google search to see what was out and about regarding my various user names (criminallyvulgar, vulgarcriminal.) For the most part it's just me but then some other guy hooked it up a few months ago. I'm a little annoyed, I rather like it but am still dominating. Mwhahahhaha! Perhaps I should take a clue from ye old Internet models and sign up everywhere with it. Seems to actually work.

A few years ago I uploaded some poetry to my old host, which has ended up being such a mistake. It's still being cached in Internet land. I read it now and just kind of want to stab myself in the eye with sticks. It's an attempt at creativity best left completely forgotten. It's a recent development but I've really gone off it as a genre. Most poetry sucks, the stuff that doesn't suck is usually about periods and black power. As interesting a subject they make, they're also fairly limited. Mine was all about death and weirdo imagery. I was in a pretty pretentious place, so if you find it, please forgive me.

Time machine, let me go back and expunge my poetry sins!

In better news I found my audioscrobbler account has been magically transformed into a LastFM account. There are all sorts of new and cool things here. There is a top albums list taken from the most frequently played tracks. For a sum that you sort out of your own volition you can set up your own radio station. Unfortunately it's all linked up to the audioscrobbler plugin. Mine hasn't updated in quite a few months now since I tried the new and improved version and it suddenly stopped working. If I get it up and running again, I'll let you know. This is a very cool idea.

The difference between your ass and a.. pardon?

Holy Bejebus. The chairman of the FDA used to tell his wife the following:

Sex was always a source of conflict in the marriage. Though it wasn't emotionally satisfying for her, Davis says she soon learned that sex could "buy" peace with Hager after a long day of arguing, or insure his forgiveness after she spent too much money. "Sex was coinage; it was a commodity," she said. Sometimes Hager would blithely shift from vaginal to anal sex. Davis protested. "He would say, 'Oh, I didn't mean to have anal sex with you; I can't feel the difference,'" Davis recalls incredulously. "And I would say, 'Well then, you're in the wrong business.'"

He used to be a lady doctor...

Fucking. Hell.

This month's Nation

Blogging from beyond woooooo....

This guy was killed by the very same man wandering around his house...

Via metafilter

Single and Stupid?

A friend of mine mentioned this article about 3 young girls in Derby living off 30,000 pounds a year, in rent free accomodation. Why? They all had babies and the fathers supposedly refuse to look after their responsibilities. The first one in the family to give birth was a 12 year old girl. I suppose the old enough to bleed thing really is true.

This from the mother:
"I blame the schools, sex education for young girls should be better.

"They have all ruined their lives because they are far too young to have children."

Right because it's the school's fault your daughters allowed that man with the pokey thing in 'em. To paraphrase Sally:

Duty and Responsibility ladies, look it the fuck up

Site stuff

So.. yay! It worked. The problem with the table seemed to be the combination of percentages and pixels in the table tags and header. Simple, stupid mistake, I know but I didn't catch it due to Firefox's coolness. It was only when I went to look at it at work that I noticed there was something wrong. I'm not quite done with the template yet, there are some things I'd like to do to separate the entries. At the moment it looks like all of my posts are just bleeding in together. Your eyes are all red right now, aren't they? More css to the rescue. It's been a learning experience. There are a shitload of new tags out and about that I haven't played with and figuring out what 0px 0px 0px 7% meant was er, a little occult.

In completely horrifying yet interesting news: The Spice Girls are reuniting. I suppose someone had to think it was a good idea. Well, more likely all of them. Geri Halliwell turned into an anorexic golemn, Victoria (Beckham oh god I hate her) thingie can't sing and greatly resembles Skeletor and the others... well... Sporty always was a bit dykey.

This bit on filesharing looks fairly interesting as well.

totally understand the temptation to download tracks. The part that worries me, and I think it's justified, is that people will forget to pay. Let me draw a distinction between "the real Bob fans" and "the people who gather and trade music freely, without concern for the artists' livelihoods".

That's a great quote.

I come from the try before you buy crowd. If I really like something, I'll buy it. That's pretty much it. I definitely want to try though. I was sorely disappointed whe the big Virgin record store in Manchester closed down. It was frickin' awesome with the diversity. The HMV(s!!) just don't have the variety that I like, Fopp! is the same but with a worse atmosphere and not as many Tartan Asia DVDs. I'm also still iffy about buying from the Internet after having two not very good experiences in a row. (Thus far, we'll see.)

For people like me it can be enormously frustrating trying to get anything new. For example, since I listened to Muse's record in June of 2004, there really hasn't been anything else that gripped me that much. Even Franz Ferdinand rapidly lost their appeal once I saw the parallels with the Talking Heads. Radio stations, even over here with the illustrious public service of Aunty Beeb aren't great either. Virgin Radio has an indie playlist but it's just as repetitive as Radio 1. Radio 2 is slightly better but even then they stick to a lot of mainstream tracks. Hell, I even heard Elton John's new single from that amazingly poorly conceived show of Billy Elliot the other day on showtunes hour.

You'd think there was nothing else.

Whilst I was working on this bastard thing last night, I listened to the following:

Loretta Lynn
Front 242
Jimmy Buffet
Kraftwerk
Public Enemy
Billy Joel
Crowded House
The Smiths (well, yeah)
Depeche Mode (again, I know)
Some bizarre Salsa music
Dion and the Belmonts

Every one of those genres has something redeeming in my eyes. Unfortunately the music industry is so hung up on labelling something as psych, country, indie, rock, synth, new rock, post punk, punk that people get shoved into liking Virgin Radio's playlist. (I'm picking on them a bit here, they're what we listen to in the morning.) So, the exposure that say (in theory mind you) Record Collector and Win MX give unknown Salsa bands to me is pretty much an added bonus right? At least with more choices I might come up with something I like. NME have the right idea at least, even if they all pretty much sound the same.

Plastic surgery!

I am so addicted to Go Fug Yourself. I get a little sad when they don't have many updates, or they're only of Britney Spears. The Jennifer Lopez ones? They fucking rock. Affleck makes my special place close up. Not, mind you, for anything inherent to the man but because he always played a bad guy in Kevin Smith films. My first exposure to Mr. Should Go Back To Indy Films was in Mallrats where he liked to have sex in the back of a Volkswagen.

Mrs. Latina as a Career only bothers me as far as having a much better stomach than I do and making crap music with little cuts of her doing a Fame homage Salsa. I'm not particularly interested in how she shakes it. Go Fug Yourself is just that sort of crusade. Except, with fashion. Two ladies, or perhaps men, have decided to get revenge on people we're told we should look like but generally greatly resemble complete idiots. Hate Gwen Stefani's formal shorts? Me too. And so do they.

The links are pretty good as well. If you're like me and enjoy trying to spot every nose job, teeth bleach and facelift in Hollywood, they help. Think Mariah Carey's boobies weren't always that big? They weren't (apparently.) Awful Plastic Surgery is there to tell you what. They also have a link off to a nice cosmetic surgeon who will tell you what in more detail. Hoorah! Yay for the bitches!

Legal music

The NME (New Musical Express) hater of Depeche Mode and lover of The Smiths has started putting up and coming bands on their site. You can download various mp3s for free (yay.)

Link: http://www.nme.com/artists/features/251705.htm

None of them are particularly innovative but Can't kid a kidder by Burning Pilot is pretty decent listening. Think punk with synths.

Stupid IE

Does anyone actually use IE anymore? I mean, that sucked. I get out of bed, come into work and test the site with IE. Suddenly all of the text is at the bottom of the page. All because of a stray table tag and IE 5 apparently doesn't like % mixed with size specs. Firefox, however, deals with it like a little star and just puts it up there for all to see. Oh yeah. Put it up baby.



For the record, this layout is primarily .css driven. I'm using tables for the sake of IE 5's delicate constitution. I've taken off the remotely linked style sheet in favor of Blogger's in header approach. It makes it easier to edit it on the generator side of things. I'm a little sad that I didn't go with a blogging tool that allows trackback and other nifty bits but I'll be damned if I'm setting up typepad or moveable type on my own. Michael, I am not.



The remaining parts of the site will also be blogger-ified. That way I can have a craft blog, a records blog, a charity shop blog and quite possibly a 'maniacs of the Internet' blog. I'm sort of considering it since it does seem to occupy a lot of my attention. Hot damn, this came out all long. Well, IE 5 users, you're going to have to deal with my massive table of death. Get a real god damned browser.

Victory is MINE

Jebus.

Ok, so yeah, I moved over to blogger. It seemed like an easier option. I've been converting old site updates to a new and improved format (theoretically) where I can do a proper sort of article type thing. Still a lot of broken links, still a lot of cleaning up to do but I'm pleased with the format overall. Just off the top of my head I think the font colors could use some changes for dates and headings. Best do it whilst my crash course in CSS is still fresh.

Test 2

Trying again...

test

Oldies but goodies

May 2, 2005: I'm pretty pleased.
I've just found one of my favorite reference books for amulets and
talismans on Amazon. It's called, oddly, The complete book of amulets and talismans...
I 'lost' it a while ago when a former employer got pissed off about a
bag of books I had at work and threw them out. How nice. They were
*very pleasant* to work for, let me tell you.